<h1 id="advice-for-aspiring-alpha-quieting-the-mind-and-im" class="font-display first:mt-xs mb-2 mt-4 font-semimedium text-lg leading-[1.5em] lg:text-xl" style="text-align: center;">Advice for Aspiring Alpha: Quieting the Mind and Improving Flirtation</h1>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://media.istockphoto.com/id/877307560/photo/affectionate-couple-covering-face-with-balloon-and-kissing.jpg?s=612x612&w=0&k=20&c=cE7qUKvyeFxOsv2hmXt-50FsGD7ZUy8dYK0j5MXB5-I=" alt="" width="900" /></p>
<p>A <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com">Loveawake blog</a> reader writes in with the following, since he didn’t specify whether he wanted to be put on the blog or not, I’m assuming it’s okay, I have redacted any personal information however, at least the specifics.</p>
<p><em><strong>Aspiring Alpha writes:</strong> I’m coming to you for advice, because I’m hoping someone with an outside perspective would be better able to help me in my struggle of becoming alpha. I’m a pretty good looking guy and played sports in high school and college. At times in my life, I’ve been 100% alpha. When I left home to work at (Redacted), I was so utterly confident in myself that I got 10 girls in 5 months. My personal best streak. I then ended up in a relationship and it had a rough ending. Since then I’ve been trying to get that swagger I had back. I have a hard time quieting my mind and not thinking about my ex. I also struggle with meeting girl when I don’t have something that’s built in. If I can meet them I don’t have too many issues getting at least some attraction. So my questions are What is the best way to go about forgetting the ex and quieting my mind? And I am wondering what you would suggest for gaining an ability to flirt better in initial interactions?</em></p>
<h2>Understanding Ego and Emotional Recovery</h2>
<p>Aspiring Alpha, you sound like a natural, you have the same problems that naturals have, that is, when you don’t fully understand why you pull girls, you are vulnerable to things like oneitis and the shock to the system that rejection, and when single girls don’t come as easily to you, because your mindset is all wrong. Naturals are great when they’re happy and everything is going well for them, but they can get into trouble when things start going off track, which in life, happens. So AA, lets look at the positives, you’re a natural, you have pretty good looks, you’ve been athletic, and you sound, when you’re on your dating game to generally be a fun person to be around. I can gather that from just a few sentences. Also, you acknowledge that there is a problem with not being able to deal properly with the ex thing in your mind. That is a good first step.</p>
<p>You are not beta enough to pine and moan and groan over and hoping to get her back, which a lot of guys do. The main issue with getting over and ex, or stop thinking about her, is realize it really has nothing to do with her, and whatever she did to you or made you feel. Men, in my experience with my own ex’s, and what I have observed in other men, suffer not so much from heart break, but it’s their ego’s that is the most damaged. Why we have such a hard time getting over a girl is because they tricked us into believing there was something deeper and meaningful, and when it ends, regardless of how it does, our ego’s take a hit, mainly because on some level we feel we were played. This of course results in <a href="https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Spain-dating-service.html?gender=male">many single men</a> becoming bitter AFC’s. Your language is also telling, when you say ‘ended up’ in a relationship, it says it wasn’t necessarily what you wanted, but then you let it happen, you started liking this girl, she seemed different, whatever it is, you ‘ended up’ in a relationship – a little of control over the situation lost there. Men fall into a trap of relinquishing power when they get into a <a href="https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Spain-dating-service.html?page=3">relationship with a single girl</a>, and it starts early and gradually increases as the relationship moves on, and then inevitably ends.</p>
<p>Thus subconsciously you probably know this, without admitting it, and then another blow to the ego. Other blow to the ego’s is when you think a girl is as good as you’ll get, one may think that they were dating a girl out of their league and then take a huge blow to their ego’s, not wanting to go through that pain again, and thinking that this ending is a blow to their status somehow. How to quiet your mind and forget about the ex? Well those are two different things but interlocked probably because she is causing a lot of chatter going on in your head. As a writer and a thinker, I can suffer from thinking too much about everything, it has led to more than a few times loss of self confidence, only because I let my inner chatter and thinking just run un checked. There is always too voices in your head as you try to rationalize things that happen to you or what you think of yourself. One of them tells you you’re great, that’s <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/08/31/is-your-ego-killing-you/">your ego</a>, one of them tells them that you’re not so great, and you should check you can go on and on proving and providing examples for both. This used to be described in mythology as the battle between good in evil that resides inside of us, but it isn’t, it’s simply not listening to the nonsense in your head. Our thoughts are all illusions we tell ourselves, both the good and the bad, in the middle is usually the truth.</p>
<p>But it helps not to focus on something that does us no good. So understanding that process is step one. Quieting your mind is trusting in yourself to act according to your desires, with out questioning yourself in your head too much. Yes we must have a conscious, but I feel we give the conscious too much validity. After 20 years old, you should know between right and wrong, if you don’t no matter what you are thinking in your head is gonna help you. But how to stop thinking about the ex? I don’t know how to answer that really. I end up thinking about all my exes at some point, some more than others, some less frequently. I remember them positively mostly, and all the sex we had, and most of them afterwards were good. But then there’s the ones that make you a bit insane. The blow to the ego girls. It’s tough. For one, know that in time, it will pass. The other way I would suggest to stop thinking about her, is do some other activities in order to <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/11/25/5-ways-to-boost-your-self-esteem/">boost your ego</a> – some new sport, hobby, etc. <a href="https://www.loveawake.com/free-online-dating/Spain-dating-service.html?page=3">Going after other single girls</a> is good, and it seems like you are trying, but I find that going after girls with a damaged ego is dangerous, and can add to your problem rather than fix it. But that depends on what you think of girls.</p>
<h2>Flirting With Confidence and Losing Outcome Dependency</h2>
<p>How to flirt with girls easier? Hmmnn yes the jump for the natural… the jump from the usual way you pull girls, and when you start to consciously approach them or go after them, can seem awkward and weird, and you can give off that vibe very easily. Also, do you think some girls are better than others? How badly do you want girls? How important is it to get a girl and pick her up? These desires can be just to fuel your ego, to subconsciously prove to yourself and others that you are a man who can pull. It should be just a normal desire to interact with girls and your biology will do the rest in terms of banging. To flirt easier with new girls, lose the outcome dependency. The whole time you go up to talk to girls, lose the mindset that you want to win her over, want to bang her, just enjoy the experience of talking to pretty girls, and have fun. The attracted ones will respond, the others won’t. It’s really as simple as that.</p>